Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
