You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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