you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
