she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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