Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
