You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I could teleport
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
