Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
