It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
