i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
