Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In America we eat man semen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
