just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
