I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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