my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
