dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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