I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
