even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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