they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
