I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
