Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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