I like to think it a success when the cops are called
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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