yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
