So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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