i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
