This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
