hotel room ftw
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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