I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
