The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
