I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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