Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
