her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
