just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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