My brain says no but my pants say off.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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