two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
