I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
