Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize