mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
