I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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