On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
