I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
