i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this beer tastes like vomit already
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
