Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
