My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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