I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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