If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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