He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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