We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
