k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
