I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
