Got a toothbrush?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
