honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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