honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
