3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
