So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
