Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
