to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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