I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
