i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
