how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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