Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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