What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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