he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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