I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
