His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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