a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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