pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
