that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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