I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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