evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
