i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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