You can't motorboat a personality
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.