im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.