so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.