I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.