so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.