I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.