ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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