the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
