I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
